


Long Long Way to Go

by guineagirl5



Series: Song Inspired Harringrove Fics [3]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Character Death, but this was in my head, emotional bois, gay bois, i want them to be happy, whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-22
Updated: 2019-02-22
Packaged: 2019-11-03 15:58:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17880800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guineagirl5/pseuds/guineagirl5
Summary: Billy felt like he had no home anymore. After all, his real home was still in California.





	Long Long Way to Go

**Author's Note:**

> This one is inspired by ANOTHER Def Leppard song called Long Long Way to Go. It's technically about romantic relationships, but all I could think of when I heard it was Billy's mom. Sooooo yeah. Prepare to cry (I don't think it's that good but whatevs.)
> 
> [Here](https://youtu.be/w7ULEaIkpLg) is the song!

The sun was setting in the Hawkins, Indiana sky. Purples, yellows, reds, oranges, practically the whole damn rainbow. 

Billy thought it looked too happy for what day it happened to be.

He sat near the only body of water in the hick town, Sattler Quarry. After all of the crazy events with Will Byers, it almost became a sort of tourist attraction. Luckily, the hype died out quick once he was found alive. 

Now it was just him, sitting on his lonesome on the ledge overlooking the collected water in the bottom of the quarry. It was the closest thing to sitting on the beach he could find around his house. 

House. Not a home.

His home was back in San Diego, California, in the cemetery where Mary Hargrove was buried. His home _was_ her. She had the most beautiful hair and eyes, just like Billy’s own, but he thought they looked better on her. Everything about her was better.

It felt like so long since she passed away, since he was 9, and he sometimes thinks Neil forgets she ever existed, aside from Billy himself being a constant reminder. Maybe that's why Neil hates him so much. Maybe Billy is giving Neil too much credit.

The abuse was happening when Mary was alive, except she protected Billy as best as she could before she got sick. She always sent Billy to his room when Neil got home from work, or wherever he decided to fuck off to for the day. She would return to Billy after the screaming stopped, tears streaking her face, only to smile when Billy rushed forward for a hug while he babbled about how sorry he was that Neil hit her. She always denied that it happened, but he knew. The bad times would always end with her shaky voice singing “You are my Sunshine” in his ear until he drifted into slumber. Billy knew a million moms sang that to their Children, but to him, it was _their_ song. Their sanctuary from the evil in their own house.

When she got sick, Billy’s whole world imploded. The brain tumour advanced quick. Billy kicked and screamed when the doctors said there wasn’t much else they could do. He raged at his father, raged at the nurses, raged at God himself. But when Mary needed him most, Billy was there, holding her hand till the flatline, singing their song. 

Yeah. Mary was his home. And today was the anniversary of her death. 

He just felt so _lost_. Every damn day, he looked behind him when he left the house, hoping to see her waving him off to school. She was never there, but Susan was. It wasn’t the same, no matter how hard his step-mom tried to love him. 

_Respect and Responsibility._

That hasn’t changed. He heard those words loud and clear every day, whereas when he was a little boy curled up in his room, he heard it muffled through the walls along with his mothers cries. 

Billy would maybe never get over it. He had a long.... long time before he would be at peace with what happened. She was the only person he ever truly loved. 

He went through all of these thoughts every year. They never changed, just like his attitude towards the world, just like Neil’s abuse, they never changed. He would never change.

\---------------------------------------

Steve had been looking all day for Billy. He went to the school, to all of his usual spots around the town, but had not once seen the blond haired boy. He was getting worried. Steve even chanced a slow drive by the Hargrove household with no sight of the Camaro. It was close to sunset, but Steve kept looking.

After the events with the upside-down, it took a while for everything to go back to a semblance of normalcy. Billy came around eventually and apologized to everyone involved in the fight, knowing he needed to make more allies than enemies if he was gonna be in Indiana for a good part of his life. He was still angry that Max brought Neil’s wrath down on him, but when she apologized he couldn’t stay mad for long. He didn’t want to end up like the spiteful man his father was. Billy was trying. 

When Steve saw the effort, he forgave Hargrove. Even started trying to hang out with the guy. After all of the rivalry in school, they found that they could actually get along pretty well. A little too well actually, seeing as they were kinda maybe probably dating. They would deny it if anyone asked. 

Steve eventually circled around to the arcade where he found Max with the Party. He pulled her aside, away from the other rowdy teens.

“Have you seen Billy?” He asked softly, just enough to be heard over the din of the arcade cabinets.

Max’s face slowly screwed up in thought. “He’s not with you? He told me you guys were hanging out today.” She shook her head in confusion, her long red hair swishing around.

“No... his car isn’t at your house either, I’m just getting a little worried,” Steve looked around frantically, hoping Billy would just show up next to him. 

“Yeah, it’s not at our house because it passed by earlier when we were walking here, I thought you were just in the car with him,” Max scoffed as if she was frustrated that she hadn’t noticed Billy was alone. 

“Which way was he going?”

\-----------------------------------------

Billy wiped his face with the sleeve of his jean jacket, not caring that the rough material kinda hurt his cheeks. His fingers flicked away ash from the end of his cigarette near two recently discarded filters. The world was calm, the trees only ruffling slightly with the light breeze. But then there was a car engine.

Billy sighed, throwing the rest of his third cig to the ground. 

“Fuckin’ Hopper,” He muttered. It wasn’t the first time he would be caught trespassing in the Quarry. In his defence, they should maybe put some better protection around the place if they don’t want people in it. Once he heard footsteps he spoke louder. “Don’t get your khaki’s in a twist, I’m leaving,” Billy went to get on his feet but stopped when he caught sight of who it actually was. “Steve,” He breathed. 

“Hey, stranger,” Steve muttered, moving to sit next to Billy. “Thought you disappeared forever on me.” 

“‘m sorry.” Billy grumbled back, inching slightly closer to Steve. 

“So what brings you to the Quarry?” Steve asked. Only then did he get a good look at Billy’s face. His eyes were red and irritated like he had been rubbing them all day, and he kept sniffling a little. His hair was a bigger mess than he normally lets it get to. “Hey... what’s going on?” Steve’s warm hand moved to the back of Billy’s head to play with his hair lightly. 

“Just fuckin’... the world,” Billy answered. He tried to laugh off the tears that sprang to his eyes. “Look at me, cryin’ like a little girl.” 

Steve stayed silent for a moment. “It’s okay, babe.” 

Billy only tried to stave off the tears for a minute longer before they started to fall out of his own control. His lips curled into a frustrated sneer. He grabbed a small rock and chucked it to the water below. Steve only flinched a little before moving his arm completely around Billy.

“It’s not fair. It’s not fucking fair, that he got to live and she had to die, like what kind of bullshit is that?” Billy’s voice cracked, betraying his normally solid facade. He leaned into Steve’s side, chest heaving with all of the sobs he had held in that day. “And now, I’m stuck here in buttfuck Hawkins, and can’t even go talk to her, bring her flowers like she goddamn deserves, it’s just...” Billy stopped in frustration trying to formulate his thoughts into something more comprehensible. “It’s not fair, Steve.” 

Steve had heard bits and pieces of what had happened to Billy when he was young. He knew what happened behind closed doors nowadays. He never thought about how affected Billy was by everything. Steve didn’t talk for a long time, just let Billy get out his tears. Finally, he spoke.

“What was she like?” 

Billy looked out over the Quarry again. “Beautiful. Funny. Kind. Way too good for the shit Neil put her through.” He paused. “He beat her too, you know. Almost every day, I’m surprised he didn’t kill her. Fucking tumour got her before her piece of shit husband did.” 

Both boys stayed quiet for a while. Billy started to hum to fill the silence. Steve sang the words once he realized what it was. 

“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine  
You make me happy when skies are grey  
You’ll never know, dear   
How much I love you  
Please don’t take my sunshine away.” 

Steve squeezed Billy’s hand. “She sang that to you?” 

“All the time. Said I was the best thing to ever happen to her.” Billy’s blue eyes stared at the ground. “I haven’t really loved anyone since she died, up until recently. As cheesy as it sounds.” 

Steve smiled sadly. “It’s not cheesy man, it’s real. You’ve been through a lot.”

Billy’s eyes met Steve’s, both men staring at each other for a moment. The blond reached over, gently cupping Steve’s cheek to bring him into a soft kiss. Their eyes fluttered shut, just enjoying the simple touches from each other.

“I think I love you,” Billy whispered, his eyes peering softly into Steve’s again. “I’m just so... scared. I don’t want to hurt you like my father does.” 

Steve felt his cheeks heat up at the admission. “You won’t,” Steve shook his head lightly. “I know you won’t.” 

Billy thought about it for a second. “Don’t stay if I do.” 

Steve felt his eyes tear up. “Billy, you won’t.” His hands framed Billy’s face. “You aren’t him.” 

Billy nodded slowly. “Okay.” They sat in silence again, just listening to the crickets start to chirp. 

And for the first time in a long long time, Billy was sure he loved someone.


End file.
